I thought I should make a list of things I can do while I wait for Monday to arrive. Maybe if I finish the list before Monday, he'll decide to come early.
Ha... freaking... Ha.
1. Wrap the whole mattress in a plastic paint drop and put the sheet back on. (What?! I'm still hopeful my water might break!)
2. Find a trampoline... Jump... possibly do flips.
3. Play chicken while doing my 3 mile hike around the neighborhood. Hilarious how scared people get of a ginormous pregnant woman. Ok Ok so I haven't walked the neighborhood since this time last year but I bet people would swerve with fear in their eyes.
4. Clean underneath all the beds.
5. Yell for David to come pick me up off the floor when I realize I'm way too big to fit under the bed.
6. Unwrap the plastic from the mattress after realizing how loud it is for a beached whale to turn over on plastic.
7. Put various things on my stomach, cough, and see how far they fly.
8. Try to put on some "skinny" jeans that I was too fat for before I even got pregnant.
9. Get stuck in skinny jeans and fall on the floor.
10. Clean the grout on the floor while I'm down there.
11. Call David to pick me up and get the ridiculous pants off of me 2 minutes later when I realize I have to pee.
12. Take a shower until the hot water runs out and then lie on the floor to wait for it to heat back up.
13. Reassure David I'm not dead when he finds me there curled up naked and asleep on the shower floor hours later.
14. Go to the mall to pick up guys.
15. Drop kick the stupid teenager that calls me a fat old lady when I wink at him.
16. Buy 4 different ice cream cones at the mall for comfort after getting called fat.
17. Eat all of the ice cream and order a chocolate shake to wash it down.
18. Get on the Wii Fit so I can declare revenge in a couple of weeks when I've lost a dramatic amount of weight.
19. Throw the Wii Fit at the wall when it calls me fat... for the upteenth time this pregnancy.
20. See a therapist.
