Eli's Birth Story

 It all began at 4am on Monday, April 27th.  After about 20 minutes of anxious sleep, I woke to call the hospital to see if they had room to induce me.  She told me that they definitely could not get to me at 5am but to call back at 6 to see if they would be able to get me in at 7.  So I had to try to go back to bed for 2 more hours.  Ha!  After reading everyone's Facebook status for the past 3 days and fooling around on the internet on my iphone in bed it was finally 6am.  I called and the nurse said, "yep, come on in at 7!".  ACK!  

So I ran to the shower and started getting ready.  I have never felt such exhilaration.  I was so ready to not be pregnant anymore and the thought of finally holding that baby was so exciting.  I had no idea what was ahead of me!  We got to the hospital 15 minutes late and I was terrified that they were going to tell me they had to reschedule but they didn't... I got a room right away and a very sweet nurse.  I got dressed in the fabulous designer hospital  gown that was made for someone being admitted for gastric bypass surgery.  I'll admit I was big but man that thing would not stay on me.  It didn't help that it was missing a snap.  I requested another one.  I'm really glad I did because I wound up spending a lot of time in that thing.  Anyhoo, they hooked me up to all kinds of machines and started the pitocin to start my labor.  Around 3pm I got my epidural.  I am still totally in love with that man!  lol What a wonderful relief!  So for the next couple of hours I didn't feel a thing! 

Fast forward to 9pm that night... after watching Beverly Hills Chihuahua lol I was in agony.  I couldn't progress past a 9.5 and wasn't going to... I spent the next few hours that way feeling everything through the epidural.  They kept making me lay on my right side which would hurt so bad.  All I wanted to do was sit up and no one would let me.  By 10:30pm I knew for sure there was no way he was going to come out that way.  I wanted my doctor but the nurse kept going... you know what he's going to say... he's going to tell you C-Section.  I kept telling everyone that I couldn't.  Of course everyone tells a woman that close... yes you can!!  You're strong!! You can do it!  I'm thinking to myself... Omg we're both going to die because no one will believe me!  lol  They left me with David and turned out the lights and moved everyone into the hall.  That was when I had a complete nervous breakdown.  I was bawling to him and telling him that I wanted to go home!  lol He kept telling me that wasn't an option.  Finally Sarah came in and I think I was finally able to convince her to get the doctor!  

When Dr. Moore came in he checked me and said... oh no this is not happening this way.  I agreed.  So from then till we had a baby was about all of 10 minutes.  As soon as I gave my consent, it seemed like all hell broke loose.  Nurses are rushing in and the anastethiologist came in and gave me the good drugs.  Before I knew it, ceiling tiles were rushing past my head.  Minutes later they were pulling out my baby!  It was really surreal and not the way I would have had it at all.  I was on morphine and wasn't able to hold Eli for about an hour after he was born.  I got to see him for about a minute before David took him back to our room were all the family were able to see him and love on him while I laid on a table being sewn back up.  My hands were numb and when I looked to my right side I saw a big bucket of my blood.  LOL 

In the end though, I was able to hold the most precious little boy on Earth.  I spent so many hours of my pregnancy worrying about having a C-section and how to prevent it.  Now I realize that even though it wasn't ideal, it was ok and now just a memory.  I'm already wishing everyday would last just a little longer so I can hold on to these fleeting moments for just a little longer.  I can't believe the whole ordeal is behind me and it's over.  It almost feels like it was just a dream!  

I will say all of this has made me a softy... and pretty much anything can make me cry.  I know it's the hormones so don't get too used to my new personality.  I'll be back soon.  lol  All I know in this moment is that this is the best thing I've ever done and the most important thing I will ever accomplish in my life.  It's really crazy how it changes your life in an instant.  

Our new family of three

Nursery Pics!

So the nursery and bedding got finished before Eli got done cooking... ok ok so most things got done before he's gotten done... I'm pretty sure the only thing left is world peace...  Anyway, here are the pics!  

His reading nook...

Crib and his name! 

Fabulous bedding I waited so long on!  (Thanks Grandma Cox!)

Door hanging by Aunt Roo!

Cute Quilt!

Beautiful furniture!  Thanks again Grandma Cox!

And the main focal point of the room! 

Things to do while waiting on baby.

I thought I should make a list of things I can do while I wait for Monday to arrive.  Maybe if I finish the list before Monday, he'll decide to come early. 

Ha... freaking... Ha. 

1.  Wrap the whole mattress in a plastic paint drop and put the sheet back on.  (What?! I'm still hopeful my water might break!)

2.  Find a trampoline... Jump... possibly do flips.

3.  Play chicken while doing my 3 mile hike around the neighborhood.  Hilarious how scared people get of a ginormous pregnant woman.  Ok Ok so I haven't walked the neighborhood since this time last year but I bet people would swerve with fear in their eyes.

4.  Clean underneath all the beds.  

5.  Yell for David to come pick me up off the floor when I realize I'm way too big to fit under the bed.

6.  Unwrap the plastic from the mattress after realizing how loud it is for a beached whale to turn over on plastic.

7.  Put various things on my stomach, cough, and see how far they fly.

8.  Try to put on some "skinny" jeans that I was too fat for before I even got pregnant.

9.  Get stuck in skinny jeans and fall on the floor.

10.  Clean the grout on the floor while I'm down there.  

11.  Call David to pick me up and get the ridiculous pants off of me 2 minutes later when I realize I have to pee.

12.  Take a shower until the hot water runs out and then lie on the floor to wait for it to heat back up.

13.  Reassure David I'm not dead when he finds me there curled up naked and asleep on the shower floor hours later.

14.  Go to the mall to pick up guys. 

15.  Drop kick the stupid teenager that calls me a fat old lady when I wink at him. 

16.  Buy 4 different ice cream cones at the mall for comfort after getting called fat.  

17.  Eat all of the ice cream and order a chocolate shake to wash it down.

18.  Get on the Wii Fit so I can declare revenge in a couple of weeks when I've lost a dramatic amount of weight.

19.  Throw the Wii Fit at the wall when it calls me fat... for the upteenth time this pregnancy.

20.  See a therapist.  

5 things I've experienced during pregnancy

Me on the beach in Galveston this weekend.  30 weeks pregnant!

Here are some things I've experienced on this crazy ride called pregnancy!

1.  Pregnancy brain

I've heard that you forget things when you're pregnant.  It has something to do with the hormones and such.  Who knew how it would affect someone who was already forgetful to begin with.  I've never been good at remembering anything... including major events that I definitely should remember.  I knew I was in trouble when I first learned of "pregnancy brain".  The evidence of its existence is this classic moment:

I lost my keys.  I was grabbing a Dr Pepper as I headed out the door... (yeah yeah caffeine is killing my baby and such) and I grabbed my purse and where are my car keys?  Not on the key peg...  Not on the coffee table... not in the kitchen... not on the bar... not in the pile of miscellaneous junk I just poured out of my purse... Fast forward 30 minutes.  My Dr Pepper is empty and I'm stressed and late.  I go to get another DP (insert your caffeine warnings here) and Lo and Behold my keys... IN THE REFRIGERATOR.  

2.  The cravings.  I just ate a whole bag of steamed vegetables.  That's like a pound of vegetables.  I topped it off with orange sherbert and a handful of Oreo cookies.  And OH MAN I would love some sour gummy worms right now...

3.  Emotions.  A couple of weeks ago I needed a nap.  I hadn't slept well the last couple of nights and I was just completely exhausted.  After church on Sunday I decided I needed a nap.  No problem.  I hopped into bed and was nearly asleep when I hear the door squeak open.  David decides he's going to nap too.  He fumbles around for a little bit and then gets into bed, tossing and turning the sheets as he goes.  As he settles, I realize I'm completely awake.  He begins to snore.  I'm livid.  As I'm thinking of the many cruel and unusual ways I could torture him I begin to dream about it and alas... sweet slumber.  

Enter Gus.  The dog.  The blasted dog that sleeps 90% of his life.  He finds a good and crunchy pig's ear and begins to crunch it as loudly as possible right near my head.  This is where pregnancy enters.  I sit up with tears already streaming down my face.  I throw my pillow at the wall.  I wail... I have a complete nervous breakdown complete with crying at the top of my lungs and massive amounts of snot.  I realize I'm being a 2 year old and I can't quit.  The hormones have completely taken over.  Thank God I have a saint for a husband... he quiets me and I get the nap I needed.  

4.  The gas.  We bought a leather recliner the other day.  While I was laying in it I *tooted*...  David whips his head around and goes... did you just RIP THE RECLINER.  Yeah... it's that loud... it's that nasty... it's just not a pretty part of it.

5.  Sex.  I won't go into detail but I'll give you a homework assignment.  If you want to know what sex is like pregnant.  Get a beach ball and duct tape that to your belly... cut a hole in the side and insert a live ferret and tape back over the opening.  Then find your honey and get it on.  It's an fun adventure that's probably quite humorous to watch. 

  

It's a Boy!

Yesterday was our latest sonogram and I must say one of the most exciting days of my life!  We found out that our little "it" is a little "he"!  It's such a relief to know it's a boy and that everything is ok.  We got to see all the important parts like the brain and the 4 chambers of the heart.  Our doctor says everything is going perfectly for now.  The pictures are sort of hard to make out if you don't know what you're looking at but I thought I would post them anyway!  :)  The first two are of the face and I added a hat to give you a head start on your deciphering! 

These are his baby legs!

This is a baby hand.  It's curved up like he's pointing to the top left corner.  The arrow is at his elbow. 

And this is David's favorite picture! :)

My belly!

A Thanksgiving Divorce

So today I braved Walmart the day before Thanksgiving.  I saw many things of interest like misbehaved children, fat women dressed in all white, and people buying strange mixes of things such as pregnancy tests and condoms.  Perhaps the most interesting thing I saw today though was the Man Who Got a Thanksgiving Divorce.

So you must picture this bewildered middle aged man.  He's pudgy and balding.  He's got a noticeable amount of underarm sweat saturating his shirt.  He's mumbling under his breath about the crowd, the ridiculousness of the Thanksgiving feast, and that he's missing something on TV.  He's clutching a two page shopping list like it's a life line between him and the front door.  The list is wrinkled but you can see the precise handwriting of his dear wife.  It's cursive, small and surely belongs to someone who knows her way around the grocery store.  

So after a full appraisal of this man, I notice it.  The reason that he will be back in Wal-mart way before he expected.  The reason he should give up on whatever show he's missing on TV and the reason that he should get out the sheets that fit the couch best.  There laying on top of his full basket of groceries is item #12 on his wife's list. 

12 lb Turkey.... Except all I see is about 12 packages of GROUND turkey.  

Goliath the dead oak tree

I'm about fed up with Hurricane Ike.  Yes I know he's gone and never coming back but like a bad ex boyfriend I can't get his CRAP out of my life.  He had the audacity to knock over this enormous tree in my backyard.  Let me pause.

This tree was like a normal tree on crack.  This tree's mother was in so much pain when she delivered this tree she left him in Texas and took her butt back to California (aren't those where the trees you can drive through are?)  This tree was bigger than Goliath.  It's the world's biggest freaking tree.  If you were in my backyard before Ike and you saw this tree you'd go....Dang.  I hope that tree never falls down.  

But I digress.

This tree is now laying precariously on one large (tree size itself) limb and on my fence.  One more slight wind and the thing could roll over and take down more fence, my dog, your dog... whatever.  So I call the insurance company.  They said they will send someone out to write up the claim... adjust it if you will.  So one night, late late at night... after 10 I'm pretty sure, we get a call from the adjuster.  Way to do business already.  Professional.  He sets up an appointment and comes out last Wednesday.  He tells me.... DAMN that's a big tree.  

So he's like really smart obviously.

So he looks at it and says that it will be at least $2000 to get that tree cut down and taken off plus we can claim $500 for debris removal.  He never mentioned anything about the fence or how much that would cost to have fixed but I was about to puke on his shoes so I didn't really bring it up.  The main gist I got out of the conversation was to get quotes on everything and he would write the claim accordingly.  Ok great.   Let me know.  

So the next morning I had a Dr appt and I had to get Gus ready for the kennel because we were going to be staying in Houston that night for a going away ceremony for David's boss.  Then it was Saturday and then Sunday.  I'm thinking I will call for quotes on Monday.  I'm also thinking I'm doing OK on time management.  I mean I'm getting to it in the very next week and I am a HUGE procrastinator.   

Sunday night: 9:30pm

No kidding.  This dude calls and says.   You're deductible is $1700 and I adjusted your claim using the National average and we'll be sending you a check for $60.  

David was talking to him so I'm not totally sure what orifice he was told to stick the claim in but we were stunned.  He said we could go ahead and still get quotes and he'd be willing to reopen the case then.

OHHHH  we can "go ahead".  You jerk.  You heartless piece of crap that has no sense of time.  

I mean here's this guy who has not yet called during business hours basically accusing us of dropping the ball because we couldn't get several quotes for the massiveness that is the tree outside????  How long did he expect that would take?  I mean you would think he would give me a full week? 

So now I stare out my window wondering... How long does it take a tree to decompose?  

Pineapple, Broccoli, Potatoes, Cheese and Chips

So most women get over their morning sickness by the end of their first trimester.  I'm cruising into the 2nd trimester very very soon with no end in sight of the sickness.  It's not only your traditional nausea, I also have this nice aversion to most food.  Today I woke up and started breakfast with some pineapple.  Fruit always seems to go down.  I was fine until just recently.  Then the dreaded lunchtime.  The worst part of the day for me. 

I can't find anything that doesn't automatically make my stomach churn.  It's already churning because I'm hungry and now I'm in a time crunch to feed the monster before it gets me.  So I look in the pantry and see that I have a can of potato and broccoli soup.  Creamy, warm, easy on the stomach.  So I'm relieved and I heat it up.  When it comes out I begin eating it and it doesn't taste like either potatoes OR broccoli.  So I think... Cheese.  Cheese always makes things better.  So I add a good amount of cheese to it.  Take a bite.  My entire stomach does a roll.

So the soup goes into the dog bowl.  Gus is so excited!  Back to the pantry for me.  The problem now is that the entire house smells like the soup.  My stomach is still empty and still churning.  So I see that I have some tortilla chips.  I'm out of the traditional "soda crackers" so I figure close enough.  I eat a few and they seem to be ok.  So of course I add cheese and have some nachos.  I eat a few of those and the stomach rolls again.  Maybe the baby doesn't like cheese today?  

So now I'm lying here on the couch contemplating my options.  There aren't any.  Today is just going to be one of those days where nothing will satisfy the child.  That's how I know it's gotta be a girl.  Aren't boys more decisive and on top of that, won't they eat anything? 

Our Baby Bump

So yesterday was my second doctor's appointment for this sweet baby.  Everything went really well.  I was wanting another sonogram so I was trying to figure out a way to tell the doctor that I was "really sick"  and they should check without him realizing that I was tricking him into looking at the baby.  It didn't happen that way.

Before I could even make up something, the nurse had the doppler on my stomach and she was trying to find a heartbeat.  She was having some trouble but assured me that it was normal not to be able to find it because it was still so little.  Then the nurse practitioner came in.  Apparently she's a more "skilled" and "trained" nurse.  I don't know anything about the nurse hierarchy but anyway, I saw her instead of my normal doctor.  Well, she said there was a wait for the sonogram machine and that she would try to find the heartbeat because she "likes a challenge".  Now you can picture me protectively holding my stomach going, no no, I'll wait.  But she ripped my hands off and in seconds we were hearing the reassuring thump, thump, thump of our child.  Ok.  I exaggerate.  There was no ripping of hands but I was a little bummed that I didn't get to see the peanut!  I was much more relieved though to know that everything was ok.  

HER heartbeat was at 170 (ok so I don't know it's a girl but I'm wishful thinking and I hate calling it "it") and she was apparently being really active.  There were these big thump noises that the nurse said was her kicking!  It's such a neat experience and so hard to believe there's a little one in there.  I'm not showing really yet but somedays I'll be really bloated and I have glimpses of things to come in the future!

This last week has been great fun and action packed.  Sarah came with her 2 kids and we hit the mall every day she was here!  After the miles and miles of walking, pushing and carrying, I had lost 2 pounds by the time I got to the doctor!  But they were so much fun and I got some good practice in.  And Sarah, you STILL need to punch Mr. Macy in the face (or any other body part of your choosing) 

A lazy blog

I found this on the web and instead of actually writing something... I'm gunna plagiarize...  yeah yeah it's illegal but this is a really good read.  Maybe if you're lucky, I'll write something really poignant and possibly even humorous tomorrow.  But today, you'll have to settle with this!   

When in England at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the ARchbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of 'empire building' by George Bush. 

He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders.  The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.

You could have heard a pin drop.

Then there was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American.  During a break one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done?  He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims.  What does he intend to do, bomb them? 

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly:  'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can teat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to aid from their flight deck.  We have eleven such ships. 

How many does France have?

You could have heard a pin drop.

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian, and French Navies.  At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. 

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French Admiral suddenly complained that, 'whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.'  He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies, and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...

A group of American, retired teachers, recently went to France on a tour.  Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.  At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on. 

"You have been to France before, monsieur?' the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

'Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.'

The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it.'

'Impossible.  Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!'

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look.  Then he quietly explained. 'Listen Sonny, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day, June 6th, 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to.

You could hear a pin drop.

Virtual Baby?!

I found a new website today that has the potential to waste massive amounts of time. 

www.makemebabies.com

Yes, the ability to make a baby with anyone you please and see what the baby will look like without giving birth.  That's my sort of baby!  I wish I had known about this when I was dating, I would have added it as a credential.  

1.  Must have a job.

2.  Must love dogs.

3.  Must make a cute baby on www.makemebabies.com

Lucky for me, I wound up with a very handsome husband and I think it's safe to say we'll have very cute children!  Here they are if you are interested!

Baby Boy Humphreys

I think it's interesting that he's got Red hair.  This is a possibility since I have a lot of red hair and my mother is a redhead. 

And now for Baby Girl Humphreys

Let me know what you think!  And by all means, show me your virtual kiddos!  

To Blog or not to Blog..

So I've decided to start writing a blog about the interesting things that go on in our lives.  David of course has no idea I'm doing this but I've put his name all over it anyway!   :)   I guess I'll let him know tonight.  I'm not sure how often I'll do this but I have friends that are constantly blogging so I thought I would give it a try.