5 things I've experienced during pregnancy

Me on the beach in Galveston this weekend.  30 weeks pregnant!

Here are some things I've experienced on this crazy ride called pregnancy!

1.  Pregnancy brain

I've heard that you forget things when you're pregnant.  It has something to do with the hormones and such.  Who knew how it would affect someone who was already forgetful to begin with.  I've never been good at remembering anything... including major events that I definitely should remember.  I knew I was in trouble when I first learned of "pregnancy brain".  The evidence of its existence is this classic moment:

I lost my keys.  I was grabbing a Dr Pepper as I headed out the door... (yeah yeah caffeine is killing my baby and such) and I grabbed my purse and where are my car keys?  Not on the key peg...  Not on the coffee table... not in the kitchen... not on the bar... not in the pile of miscellaneous junk I just poured out of my purse... Fast forward 30 minutes.  My Dr Pepper is empty and I'm stressed and late.  I go to get another DP (insert your caffeine warnings here) and Lo and Behold my keys... IN THE REFRIGERATOR.  

2.  The cravings.  I just ate a whole bag of steamed vegetables.  That's like a pound of vegetables.  I topped it off with orange sherbert and a handful of Oreo cookies.  And OH MAN I would love some sour gummy worms right now...

3.  Emotions.  A couple of weeks ago I needed a nap.  I hadn't slept well the last couple of nights and I was just completely exhausted.  After church on Sunday I decided I needed a nap.  No problem.  I hopped into bed and was nearly asleep when I hear the door squeak open.  David decides he's going to nap too.  He fumbles around for a little bit and then gets into bed, tossing and turning the sheets as he goes.  As he settles, I realize I'm completely awake.  He begins to snore.  I'm livid.  As I'm thinking of the many cruel and unusual ways I could torture him I begin to dream about it and alas... sweet slumber.  

Enter Gus.  The dog.  The blasted dog that sleeps 90% of his life.  He finds a good and crunchy pig's ear and begins to crunch it as loudly as possible right near my head.  This is where pregnancy enters.  I sit up with tears already streaming down my face.  I throw my pillow at the wall.  I wail... I have a complete nervous breakdown complete with crying at the top of my lungs and massive amounts of snot.  I realize I'm being a 2 year old and I can't quit.  The hormones have completely taken over.  Thank God I have a saint for a husband... he quiets me and I get the nap I needed.  

4.  The gas.  We bought a leather recliner the other day.  While I was laying in it I *tooted*...  David whips his head around and goes... did you just RIP THE RECLINER.  Yeah... it's that loud... it's that nasty... it's just not a pretty part of it.

5.  Sex.  I won't go into detail but I'll give you a homework assignment.  If you want to know what sex is like pregnant.  Get a beach ball and duct tape that to your belly... cut a hole in the side and insert a live ferret and tape back over the opening.  Then find your honey and get it on.  It's an fun adventure that's probably quite humorous to watch. 

  

It's a Boy!

Yesterday was our latest sonogram and I must say one of the most exciting days of my life!  We found out that our little "it" is a little "he"!  It's such a relief to know it's a boy and that everything is ok.  We got to see all the important parts like the brain and the 4 chambers of the heart.  Our doctor says everything is going perfectly for now.  The pictures are sort of hard to make out if you don't know what you're looking at but I thought I would post them anyway!  :)  The first two are of the face and I added a hat to give you a head start on your deciphering! 

These are his baby legs!

This is a baby hand.  It's curved up like he's pointing to the top left corner.  The arrow is at his elbow. 

And this is David's favorite picture! :)

My belly!

A Thanksgiving Divorce

So today I braved Walmart the day before Thanksgiving.  I saw many things of interest like misbehaved children, fat women dressed in all white, and people buying strange mixes of things such as pregnancy tests and condoms.  Perhaps the most interesting thing I saw today though was the Man Who Got a Thanksgiving Divorce.

So you must picture this bewildered middle aged man.  He's pudgy and balding.  He's got a noticeable amount of underarm sweat saturating his shirt.  He's mumbling under his breath about the crowd, the ridiculousness of the Thanksgiving feast, and that he's missing something on TV.  He's clutching a two page shopping list like it's a life line between him and the front door.  The list is wrinkled but you can see the precise handwriting of his dear wife.  It's cursive, small and surely belongs to someone who knows her way around the grocery store.  

So after a full appraisal of this man, I notice it.  The reason that he will be back in Wal-mart way before he expected.  The reason he should give up on whatever show he's missing on TV and the reason that he should get out the sheets that fit the couch best.  There laying on top of his full basket of groceries is item #12 on his wife's list. 

12 lb Turkey.... Except all I see is about 12 packages of GROUND turkey.  

Goliath the dead oak tree

I'm about fed up with Hurricane Ike.  Yes I know he's gone and never coming back but like a bad ex boyfriend I can't get his CRAP out of my life.  He had the audacity to knock over this enormous tree in my backyard.  Let me pause.

This tree was like a normal tree on crack.  This tree's mother was in so much pain when she delivered this tree she left him in Texas and took her butt back to California (aren't those where the trees you can drive through are?)  This tree was bigger than Goliath.  It's the world's biggest freaking tree.  If you were in my backyard before Ike and you saw this tree you'd go....Dang.  I hope that tree never falls down.  

But I digress.

This tree is now laying precariously on one large (tree size itself) limb and on my fence.  One more slight wind and the thing could roll over and take down more fence, my dog, your dog... whatever.  So I call the insurance company.  They said they will send someone out to write up the claim... adjust it if you will.  So one night, late late at night... after 10 I'm pretty sure, we get a call from the adjuster.  Way to do business already.  Professional.  He sets up an appointment and comes out last Wednesday.  He tells me.... DAMN that's a big tree.  

So he's like really smart obviously.

So he looks at it and says that it will be at least $2000 to get that tree cut down and taken off plus we can claim $500 for debris removal.  He never mentioned anything about the fence or how much that would cost to have fixed but I was about to puke on his shoes so I didn't really bring it up.  The main gist I got out of the conversation was to get quotes on everything and he would write the claim accordingly.  Ok great.   Let me know.  

So the next morning I had a Dr appt and I had to get Gus ready for the kennel because we were going to be staying in Houston that night for a going away ceremony for David's boss.  Then it was Saturday and then Sunday.  I'm thinking I will call for quotes on Monday.  I'm also thinking I'm doing OK on time management.  I mean I'm getting to it in the very next week and I am a HUGE procrastinator.   

Sunday night: 9:30pm

No kidding.  This dude calls and says.   You're deductible is $1700 and I adjusted your claim using the National average and we'll be sending you a check for $60.  

David was talking to him so I'm not totally sure what orifice he was told to stick the claim in but we were stunned.  He said we could go ahead and still get quotes and he'd be willing to reopen the case then.

OHHHH  we can "go ahead".  You jerk.  You heartless piece of crap that has no sense of time.  

I mean here's this guy who has not yet called during business hours basically accusing us of dropping the ball because we couldn't get several quotes for the massiveness that is the tree outside????  How long did he expect that would take?  I mean you would think he would give me a full week? 

So now I stare out my window wondering... How long does it take a tree to decompose?  

Pineapple, Broccoli, Potatoes, Cheese and Chips

So most women get over their morning sickness by the end of their first trimester.  I'm cruising into the 2nd trimester very very soon with no end in sight of the sickness.  It's not only your traditional nausea, I also have this nice aversion to most food.  Today I woke up and started breakfast with some pineapple.  Fruit always seems to go down.  I was fine until just recently.  Then the dreaded lunchtime.  The worst part of the day for me. 

I can't find anything that doesn't automatically make my stomach churn.  It's already churning because I'm hungry and now I'm in a time crunch to feed the monster before it gets me.  So I look in the pantry and see that I have a can of potato and broccoli soup.  Creamy, warm, easy on the stomach.  So I'm relieved and I heat it up.  When it comes out I begin eating it and it doesn't taste like either potatoes OR broccoli.  So I think... Cheese.  Cheese always makes things better.  So I add a good amount of cheese to it.  Take a bite.  My entire stomach does a roll.

So the soup goes into the dog bowl.  Gus is so excited!  Back to the pantry for me.  The problem now is that the entire house smells like the soup.  My stomach is still empty and still churning.  So I see that I have some tortilla chips.  I'm out of the traditional "soda crackers" so I figure close enough.  I eat a few and they seem to be ok.  So of course I add cheese and have some nachos.  I eat a few of those and the stomach rolls again.  Maybe the baby doesn't like cheese today?  

So now I'm lying here on the couch contemplating my options.  There aren't any.  Today is just going to be one of those days where nothing will satisfy the child.  That's how I know it's gotta be a girl.  Aren't boys more decisive and on top of that, won't they eat anything? 

Our Baby Bump

So yesterday was my second doctor's appointment for this sweet baby.  Everything went really well.  I was wanting another sonogram so I was trying to figure out a way to tell the doctor that I was "really sick"  and they should check without him realizing that I was tricking him into looking at the baby.  It didn't happen that way.

Before I could even make up something, the nurse had the doppler on my stomach and she was trying to find a heartbeat.  She was having some trouble but assured me that it was normal not to be able to find it because it was still so little.  Then the nurse practitioner came in.  Apparently she's a more "skilled" and "trained" nurse.  I don't know anything about the nurse hierarchy but anyway, I saw her instead of my normal doctor.  Well, she said there was a wait for the sonogram machine and that she would try to find the heartbeat because she "likes a challenge".  Now you can picture me protectively holding my stomach going, no no, I'll wait.  But she ripped my hands off and in seconds we were hearing the reassuring thump, thump, thump of our child.  Ok.  I exaggerate.  There was no ripping of hands but I was a little bummed that I didn't get to see the peanut!  I was much more relieved though to know that everything was ok.  

HER heartbeat was at 170 (ok so I don't know it's a girl but I'm wishful thinking and I hate calling it "it") and she was apparently being really active.  There were these big thump noises that the nurse said was her kicking!  It's such a neat experience and so hard to believe there's a little one in there.  I'm not showing really yet but somedays I'll be really bloated and I have glimpses of things to come in the future!

This last week has been great fun and action packed.  Sarah came with her 2 kids and we hit the mall every day she was here!  After the miles and miles of walking, pushing and carrying, I had lost 2 pounds by the time I got to the doctor!  But they were so much fun and I got some good practice in.  And Sarah, you STILL need to punch Mr. Macy in the face (or any other body part of your choosing)